Getting Results

Are you getting the results in your life that you say that you want?  If you are, pat yourself on the back and put a smile on your face!  The reality is though most people today are not getting results in life, period.

Goal-setting is a skill and a tool that gets to be used.  I could go off and talk about goal language, timing, and verb tense, etc.  The intent for my writing today is more towards two qualities that many people lack – balance and focus.

Are the four areas of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotion all balanced in your life?  Are you too focused on any one of these areas and not enough on the others?  It makes a difference trust me.  When I am putting too much emphasis on my training and not enough on my spiritual life, it shows up as exhaustion.  When I play stoic and ignore my feelings, I feel blocked in other areas of my life.  All four areas of life get to be in balance.  You are fuelling your body with balance to serve you to be more in life.

When you are in balance you are more effective in your goal-setting and achieving.  Let’s take that one step further.  When you get totally focused on where you want to go, this is when you start to see results.

It’s simple.  Set your intention and get focused on it.  Get tunnel vision and shut out the distractions and nay-sayers in your life.  Let nothing stand in the way of designing and achieving the life of your dreams.  If maximum results is what you want, then get crystal focused and balanced!

If you could use some support in getting there, I will support you on the journey.

Getting Results

Coach Trudy

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Seeing Life Responsible

I know I visit this topic often, maybe too often for some people.  Are you seeing life responsibly?  It is empowering to be responsible.  Maybe you are tired of being responsible.  Do you understand the difference between being a victim and being a responsible victim?

You can have awful things happen to you.  I had a biking accident a few days ago that saw me going over my handle bars, hitting the pavement, hitting my head (thankful for helmets!), banging up my bike, and spraining some ribs.  Sure, I could have blamed the lady in the car that was coming out of the parking lot that I was turning into.  She had some part in it for sure.  I chose to leave my work place a little late, I chose to do that one last thing at my office before I left.  I chose to keep my appointment that I was rushing to.  I chose to come into that parking lot a little faster than normal.  I chose to get up off the pavement and keep going when the lady stopped to ask if I was okay.  I  chose to not go to the doctor right away.  I chose……there’s an infinite number of choices I made.

You see where I am going with this?  I have choices in life.  I have power to do and say whatever I want.  Sure, I may find myself in an unfortunate circumstance.  It is all determined how I choose to behave in any circumstance.

What about you?  Are you living in choice? Or are you playing the blame game?

Choosing To Live Responsibly

Coach Trudy

Fair Fights

This may seem like a humorous topic in light of the views I expressed in my last post called “Winning”.  If you must fight, then here are some good ground rules to follow to ensure the fight stays fair.  I learned these at a Klemmer & Associates seminar a couple years ago.  This kind of fighting uses no physical force or contact at all.  You will have the opportunity to speak and state your concerns and you will have opportunity to listen.  Make sure you are both in agreement to these rules before proceeding.

Rule # 1:  You must agree on code words or signals.  When a fight is called, both sides must be in agreement and there are key phrases that you communicate to remind yourselves of that you are fighting by the rules.    Choose a catch phrase like “fight’s on” or “fair fight”  or your choice.

Rule # 2:  There are two-minute rounds. The person who called the fight gets two minutes, while the other person is quiet and listens.  The next two minutes the other person gets to speak and the first person listens, and so on.  You actually listen during the two minutes to the other person – don’t be thinking of how you will refute what is being said.  Go as many rounds as necessary until you have fully and openly communicated all that needs to be said.

Rule #3:  Do not use any vulgarities. That’s right, no name calling or disrespecting allowed.

Okay, so this may seem foreign to you and it may feel awkward the first couple times you try a fair fight.  I guarantee you that if you lean in and embrace this kind of fighting, your relationships will improve.

Fight Fair

Coach Trudy

If I Could Parent My Children All Over Again

Our youngest is nearing her high school graduation.  Our second is getting married a week later.  In this milestone season, I have had several opportunities to just sit and ponder.   If I could do it all over again, here are some of things I would do different.

I would listen more.

I would express my appreciation and praise more.

I would spend more time as a family all together.

I would laugh more.

I would offer more opportunities for my children to feel a sense of belonging.

I would encourage more personal responsibility in my children.

I would love the father of my children more.

No regrets.  It’s just a reflection.  How about you?  If you are still parenting, how can you change your parenting up and make even better today?

I am enjoying the relationships I have with my children as they have become adults.  There are always opportunities to continue to build into their lives.  And I am ….

Parenting With Purpose

Coach Trudy

Say Yes To Life

Do you have “that one person” in your life?  You know the one that I mean, the one person that always sees the glass as half full. Maybe that person in your life is you.  The eternal optimist in the face of all tragedy, short coming, disappointment, or “failure” (for the lack of a better term), they know that it will all work out for the best. Maybe they annoy the ^&*^@ out of you.  A true optimist operates from a choice made to see that there is always something to be happy about in any given situation.  Perhaps finding a silver thread in any given dark event seems daunting to you.

A choice can be made to think positively, knowing that everything WILL be okay.  An optimist will turn the bad event into something external rather than personal.   (ex.  It was a fluke.  I am great at what I do.  It was just an off moment.)  And on the other side of the coin, an optimist will make every good event into something personal.  (ex.  I had a fantabulous day today! Abundance draws to me!)

The good news is that an optimist has better stats on length of life and quality of health.  You know it.  You have heard it.  If not, google it.  There has been several research studies comparing an optimist to a pessimist.

The question I ask of you is, are you saying yes to life?  Or are you choosing to be a “glass half full” person?  If not, do yourself and the whole world a favour, choose to see the good in life.  Stop raining on life and people’s parade.  Stop making fun of people.  Stop criticizing others.  Stop saying NO to life.  Seriously.

A song that really delivers the message is entitled “Everything Will Be Okay”.  It is an original song by Tim Foust and most recently performed with Home Free Vocal Band.

Embrace life and say YES to life.

Coach Trudy

Surrender

Do you understand what this word means?  I know I thought I knew what it meant at one time in my life.  Being brought up in a very strict, conservative Christian home, I had a strong legalistic understanding of what I thought it meant.  I thought it was doing what you were told, without question, with fear & trepidation, and much shame attached to it if I didn’t.

Being a competitive person most of my life, the reality was that surrender wasn’t easy for me.  The word itself seemed easy to get lost in.  I used to struggle with surrender because it symbolized “losing”, not being the best, not taking home the prize.

What I have come to realize and understand is that surrender is quite the opposite.  Surrender is the opposite of resistance.  Your greatest strength comes when you are in a place of total surrender.  It may be easier to talk about resistance first.

Resistance – a mentor of mine, Brian Klemmer, used to say “What you resist persists.”  Let that one set a moment.  Now think of how resistance affects your everyday life.  Let me throw out some possibilities: fighting traffic, a cluttered garage, missing a job promotion, going to the in-laws for a visit, eating your least favorite food, chores, a teenager who pushes your buttons….the list could go on and look much differently for you.  Have you ever noticed that if you have it, think it, feel it, it does some unpleasant things to your body.  Some people sweat, for others their heart starts racing, and for others they get a furrowed brow, these physiological changes to the body can have negative effects on your health.

Letting go of resistance is not simply “resigning”.  (Why try? What’s the use?)  When you make the choice to surrender to whatever the circumstance is and find a way of non-resistance, you start to open up the flood gates of possibilities.  Use whatever is going on to move yourself forward.  Go around the roadblocks instead of stopping and becoming stuck.

Think about it.  How much time and energy are you spending on resisting what you can’t change?  The way of surrender is being satisfied and at peace in whatever circumstance you find yourself in.  Happiness and satisfaction may or may not reside in the same circumstance.  It’s your choice.  You’ve heard the expression “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.  It is what it is.  Make the best of it.  Choose to surrender.  Be open to the possibilities out there.

Surrendered

Coach Trudy

Finding Purpose

Have you ever had those days where you just find yourself wondering “What am I doing here? Why do I even exist on this planet called earth?”  I admit I have.  I used to get confused trying to live a righteous life, being a model human being, striving for acceptance, trying to fit in – anywhere.

That may come as a surprise to some people that know me or have known me for a long time.  I played the game.  You know the game.  Look good, smell good, have that “got-it-all-together” look.

What I found out back in the summer of 2013 is that I have purpose.  God created me and therefore I should have purpose, right?  To set the record straight, I led a busy lifestyle – one that kept my mind full of responsibility, volunteer work, family, job, you name it.  I kept busy.  In fact I had a client recently tell me that she had reached out to me years ago to be my friend.  I gave her some “I am SO busy” spiel.  I was horrified that I had said that to someone – that I was too busy to be their friend.  You get the point.  I kept myself SO busy that I missed many opportunities that God and His Universe had for me – opportunities for growth, friendship, career, travel, volunteering.

What I found out over this last couple years is that I have so much more I could be giving to the Universe – if I would slow down.  It really goes against the “doer” mindset to slow down.  There is never enough time in a day to get everything done that needs to be done.  And yet, when I learned to slow down and be meditative, I could quiet my mind and hear what God was saying to me.   I also describe it as “being with” myself.  Having that intuitive time with your self to allow your heart to speak to you.

Through an experience I had back in June of 2013, I learned quite clearly what my purpose is.  The beauty of truly knowing what my purpose is – is that I can be happy & satisfied no matter what is going on for me.  If I stay aligned with my purpose and I can stay calm.  When I step out of alignment – that’s when things get crazy and frazzled.

I found a blog post about finding your purpose.  Please check it out.

How To Find Your Purpose

Finding Purpose

Coach Trudy

This is Love

Okay, before you think this is a mushy romantic post, wait and read on. I used to be so lost that I thought I needed to win, be better at everything, look like I have it all together to impress others. Have you ever done that? I did this for a long time, and I married someone with similar values. What I have found over the years, it just drives a wedge between you and the people you want to get closer to. At some point, I looked around and said “this sucks”. Sadly, it took me several years from that point to start getting it all sorted out in my own life. Happily, both my husband and I are on a journey of being the change we want to see in our world.

I heard a song by Natalie Grant that inspired me to share this thought today. We live in a world full of hatred, weakness, despair, darkness, bondage, poverty, welfare. It’s all around us, it’s hard to miss it – unless you are so focused on your own stuff that you miss it, like I used to do. I professed that I loved others and I did good things. I look back in reflection and realize how I did things for the wrong motives. I was letting my light shine yet sometimes my motives were compromised.

Simply said from Matthew 5:14-16: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. “

I used to get hung up on the “good deeds” thing. I did it for people to see what a great person I was. Sure, I did lip service to my Creator, yet my underlying motive was messed up.

Being a woman of faith for nearly all my life, one might wonder how I could be that messed up. My transformation came a very short time ago. The gaps between the pivotal moments included living without much intention other than getting through that next day as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, employee, friend. I lived a life as the victim of the circumstances around me. I woke up one day and made a choice not to be a victim anymore. That pivotal moment changed my life immensely and forever.

What am I saying? Do something today to help others from the motive of just loving them. Take responsibility for your choices. Be a lighthouse. Be a safe house. Let your life be living proof of what love truly is. Genuinely love others by being your authentic self for no other reason than to love them where they are at. Get over your “schtuff” and shift into the life of authentic love.

Natalie Grant’s song, “This is Love”

This is Love

Coach Trudy