Impressing Others

I was in the presence of several of my mentors recently at a conference.  I came face to face with an old program that has been running me.  In the presence of my mentors and other people I respect greatly, I wanted to “look good”.  UGH!  I am SO done with that!

My journey is my journey as your journey belongs to you.  I don’t know about you. My goal and my theme is to operate my life by living out my purpose, serving my Creator, and being in a place of contribution back to the Universe.  And if I can be happy doing what I am doing, then life is grand.

Let me unpack when I say I am SO done with “that”, what exactly do I mean by “that”?  I am done with trying to impress others just to “look good” or gain respect.  I am holding myself “capable” of much more.  From here on out, I don’t care what you think of me – how I dress, how I act, what I drive, where I live, who I choose to hang out with.

I only need to impress myself.  I don’t even need to impress God – He already loves me just the way I am.  I cannot buy His love – for it was already bought for me over 2000 years ago.  I do strive to live a life that pleases God that will never change.  When I talk about “impressing” someone, I am talking the human flesh walking on earth type.

At the end of the day, when I check in with myself and reflect back on my day, I get to go to bed with a smile on my face knowing I lived a full life today with excitement and urgency. Now that is impressive journey in my opinion.

Impressing Me Because I am Worthy,

Coach Trudy

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Seeing Life Responsible

I know I visit this topic often, maybe too often for some people.  Are you seeing life responsibly?  It is empowering to be responsible.  Maybe you are tired of being responsible.  Do you understand the difference between being a victim and being a responsible victim?

You can have awful things happen to you.  I had a biking accident a few days ago that saw me going over my handle bars, hitting the pavement, hitting my head (thankful for helmets!), banging up my bike, and spraining some ribs.  Sure, I could have blamed the lady in the car that was coming out of the parking lot that I was turning into.  She had some part in it for sure.  I chose to leave my work place a little late, I chose to do that one last thing at my office before I left.  I chose to keep my appointment that I was rushing to.  I chose to come into that parking lot a little faster than normal.  I chose to get up off the pavement and keep going when the lady stopped to ask if I was okay.  I  chose to not go to the doctor right away.  I chose……there’s an infinite number of choices I made.

You see where I am going with this?  I have choices in life.  I have power to do and say whatever I want.  Sure, I may find myself in an unfortunate circumstance.  It is all determined how I choose to behave in any circumstance.

What about you?  Are you living in choice? Or are you playing the blame game?

Choosing To Live Responsibly

Coach Trudy

Say What You Mean

It’s crazy how twisted communication has become in relationships today.  It is something I am all too familiar with – saying one thing when you really mean something else.  Why am I familiar with it?  I used to be Queen at the “Say What You Think Someone Wants To Hear” Game.  Better yet, I used to not say anything at all for fear that I would hurt someone else’s feelings or because I thought they wouldn’t like me if I was completely honest.

I paid a lot of prices for not being open with my feelings.  I look back on it and I really just had a trunk full of hurts that I didn’t know how to handle.  Instead of being authentic, I would say the congenial thing to say all the while I was seething just below the surface.  All too often, the volcano would erupt on some unsuspecting loved one usually at very inopportune times.

What I understand now is that it is healthy to say “I feel angry about what you just said” or “I am SO mad”.  I may take a risk in harming the relationship and I can tell myself a different story.  Being open and honest is authentic.  Being vulnerable about how I am feeling is being real.

I choose to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I am choosing to be a straight shooter with my words instead of holding on to my feelings until they erupt.  Handling my feelings in a healthy way creates space for others to feel, too.  When I say what I mean, I let go of any resentment I may have.  Sure, I may risk relationship.  That is a chance I am willing to take to stay healthy.

Saying What I Mean

Coach Trudy

Winning

I have said in earlier posts that it’s great to be in competition with yourself.  Be better today than you were yesterday.  I am all for competing with and pushing myself to be a better person.

I grew up competing in all areas of life in general.  I became a competitive freak of nature after my dad died.  Somewhere deep inside, I knew I wanted to make my dad proud of me who I imagined watching me from that great farm in the sky.  All the while, I was trying desperately to fill his void in my life with winning.

The color of my life was pretty black and white when it came to winning.  I just had to win – there was no other option.  When the desire to win took hold of my life, it made me  blind to the people and relationships involved.  It was a pretty unhealthy existence.

I am different today, thank you Jesus!  Here’s what I have learned and what I do know from my journey.  Competition is good and it brings a certain beneficial flair to life. It gives you an opportunity to hone your skill or craft and gets your adrenalin going in a healthy way.

Parents usually set the tone for how their kids view sports.  I look back and own that I wasn’t that great of a parent on the sidelines when my kids were younger.   We all have seen them or have been “those kinds of parents”, getting all up in their stuff over their kids’ play time, their kids’ team not winning, and what the coach is doing wrong.

Winning graciously and losing graciously is the sign of a true master of their craft. Losing has it’s place, too, for in a true competition, there must be a loser so there is a winner and vice versa.  We have all witnessed the tantrums and the fights that break out when someone isn’t happy with the result of the game.  I will flat out say that I do not enjoy watching fights or tantrums, do you?  Okay, I might have lost the hockey community over that statement.

Losing on purpose – well, that could spark another soap box rant for me.  Failing to play wholeheartedly really degrades the sport and insults the participants.  I get frustrated when I hear people saying that competition isn’t good for children because it hurts little kids’ feelings if they lose.  We all benefit from the experience of losing.  How much sweeter is the thrill of victory when you’ve experienced loss.  If the coaching and the parenting are on board, better humans can come out of a losing team experience than a winning team.  The character that is developed in sport can change the world for the better or for the worse.

Winning

Coach Trudy

GET STUPID

How many times have you failed to try something new out of fear of being thought silly?  Think about it.  How often have you censored your spontaneity out of fear of being thought childish? What prices are you paying for allowing your fears to limit your present and your future?

I am here to tell you, it’s okay to get stupid and have fun! The world needs your creativity and open-ness to living freely.  The nay-sayers are like the crabs in the bucket.  If one crab starts to crawl over the edge, the other crabs will pull that one crab back into the pit.  Yes, it IS a pit.  Don’t be like those crabs and refuse to accept the life of crab.  This may make you sad for there always loved ones and friends that will do all they can to pull you back into the bucket. I dare you to break free of that cycle.

Embrace change.  Be spontaneous. Love adventure. Create something everyday. Be willing to do something that others wouldn’t dare try.  Risk more.  Love deeply.

The universe and all humanity will be forever changed by you being a creative, intuitive, and open being.  Choosing to stay comfortable and just take up space in your comfort zone just adds to our world problems.

Be open. Be a solution seeker and world-changer.

Get Stupid

Coach Trudy

STOP IT

One of my favourite resources in my coaching business is a simple short video from an old TV show.   Perhaps you have seen it.  Bob Newhart is counselling a client in a way that provides humour and simple insight.

Don’t we all really, down deep in our deeper self, know what’s appropriate and safe for ourselves?  This video clip is a humorous and simple message.  STOP doing what is self-destructive or unproductive and stop it now.

What will it take for you to stop it today?

STOP IT

Coach Trudy

Love the Plateau

Okay, the title of this may have turned some away – especially when thinking of the plateau that comes with weight release.  Stick with me.  This is good insight.

Did you know that most learning takes place during a plateau?  During the time when you think nothing is happening and “it” isn’t working at all, this is the time when your greatest growth takes place.  Over and over, doing the same thing, seemingly not “getting it”, one easily can get discouraged.

In order to learn anything of significance, you must be willing to live on the plateau and learn the lessons there.  The lessons may take a long time and you know what, it doesn’t matter.  Some day, everything will come together and there will be a huge spurt.  Stop resisting it.

It may seem like the last thing you may want to do.  I suggest that you must learn to love the plateau.  Live plateau to plateau instead of from success to success.  Love the practice, be willing to keep practicing without any promise of immediate progress.  Embrace the growth stage by staying curious, peaceful, and trusting.

Loving the Plateau

Coach Trudy

Why Crawl When You Can Fly?

I have been reflecting lately on what moves me forward and what keeps me moving slow. I get to come face to face with a competing commitment I have. I am committed to my dreams and goals and I am committed to being lazy and comfortable at times. It’s like being hot or cold, black or white. There is no lukewarm or gray when it comes to my life.

Stop crawling when you can fly!! Seriously, what are you waiting for? Go out and “just do it”.

I found this song and the words moved me to fly. I am inviting you to do the same.

Flying

Coach Trudy

Surrender

Do you understand what this word means?  I know I thought I knew what it meant at one time in my life.  Being brought up in a very strict, conservative Christian home, I had a strong legalistic understanding of what I thought it meant.  I thought it was doing what you were told, without question, with fear & trepidation, and much shame attached to it if I didn’t.

Being a competitive person most of my life, the reality was that surrender wasn’t easy for me.  The word itself seemed easy to get lost in.  I used to struggle with surrender because it symbolized “losing”, not being the best, not taking home the prize.

What I have come to realize and understand is that surrender is quite the opposite.  Surrender is the opposite of resistance.  Your greatest strength comes when you are in a place of total surrender.  It may be easier to talk about resistance first.

Resistance – a mentor of mine, Brian Klemmer, used to say “What you resist persists.”  Let that one set a moment.  Now think of how resistance affects your everyday life.  Let me throw out some possibilities: fighting traffic, a cluttered garage, missing a job promotion, going to the in-laws for a visit, eating your least favorite food, chores, a teenager who pushes your buttons….the list could go on and look much differently for you.  Have you ever noticed that if you have it, think it, feel it, it does some unpleasant things to your body.  Some people sweat, for others their heart starts racing, and for others they get a furrowed brow, these physiological changes to the body can have negative effects on your health.

Letting go of resistance is not simply “resigning”.  (Why try? What’s the use?)  When you make the choice to surrender to whatever the circumstance is and find a way of non-resistance, you start to open up the flood gates of possibilities.  Use whatever is going on to move yourself forward.  Go around the roadblocks instead of stopping and becoming stuck.

Think about it.  How much time and energy are you spending on resisting what you can’t change?  The way of surrender is being satisfied and at peace in whatever circumstance you find yourself in.  Happiness and satisfaction may or may not reside in the same circumstance.  It’s your choice.  You’ve heard the expression “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.  It is what it is.  Make the best of it.  Choose to surrender.  Be open to the possibilities out there.

Surrendered

Coach Trudy

Be Kind

Silver Lining

I saw this photo back a few weeks ago and it reminded me of a similar saying.  “Hurt people hurt people.” If we can remember this one phrase, we can change the world.  Using the technique of non-resistance, we can use every situation in our lives to propel us forward and bring change in the lives of the people in our sphere of influence.

I used to hurt people.  I look back on that time and I am not sure that I was cognizant at the time that I was hurting people.  I had a huge hole in my heart that I tried to fill for years (unsuccessfully I might add).  The good news is that I do not hurt people anymore – I operate on a level of what works for everyone.  Sure, we all hurt others at times in our lives, hopefully unintentionally.  What I am saying is that I endeavor to live my life in a way that will inspire others to move forward in life and be the change I want to see happen in the world.

Why am I talking this way, where am I going with this?  It’s about compassion.  If we can see others through the eyes of compassion, we can truly start to shift our world.  If we act in resistance to what grieves us, what angers us, what shames us, what drives us crazy…..we only make life more miserable for ourselves.  A very wise man named Brian Klemmer once said:  “What you resist persists.”  Pretty profound.  And that is the subject for another day.

Next time you see someone hurting someone else, look through the eyes of compassion and see their pain. Go even farther and do something about it – make a difference in their life.

Be Kind

Coach Trudy