Say What You Mean

It’s crazy how twisted communication has become in relationships today.  It is something I am all too familiar with – saying one thing when you really mean something else.  Why am I familiar with it?  I used to be Queen at the “Say What You Think Someone Wants To Hear” Game.  Better yet, I used to not say anything at all for fear that I would hurt someone else’s feelings or because I thought they wouldn’t like me if I was completely honest.

I paid a lot of prices for not being open with my feelings.  I look back on it and I really just had a trunk full of hurts that I didn’t know how to handle.  Instead of being authentic, I would say the congenial thing to say all the while I was seething just below the surface.  All too often, the volcano would erupt on some unsuspecting loved one usually at very inopportune times.

What I understand now is that it is healthy to say “I feel angry about what you just said” or “I am SO mad”.  I may take a risk in harming the relationship and I can tell myself a different story.  Being open and honest is authentic.  Being vulnerable about how I am feeling is being real.

I choose to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I am choosing to be a straight shooter with my words instead of holding on to my feelings until they erupt.  Handling my feelings in a healthy way creates space for others to feel, too.  When I say what I mean, I let go of any resentment I may have.  Sure, I may risk relationship.  That is a chance I am willing to take to stay healthy.

Saying What I Mean

Coach Trudy

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