It’s crazy how twisted communication has become in relationships today. It is something I am all too familiar with – saying one thing when you really mean something else. Why am I familiar with it? I used to be Queen at the “Say What You Think Someone Wants To Hear” Game. Better yet, I used to not say anything at all for fear that I would hurt someone else’s feelings or because I thought they wouldn’t like me if I was completely honest.
I paid a lot of prices for not being open with my feelings. I look back on it and I really just had a trunk full of hurts that I didn’t know how to handle. Instead of being authentic, I would say the congenial thing to say all the while I was seething just below the surface. All too often, the volcano would erupt on some unsuspecting loved one usually at very inopportune times.
What I understand now is that it is healthy to say “I feel angry about what you just said” or “I am SO mad”. I may take a risk in harming the relationship and I can tell myself a different story. Being open and honest is authentic. Being vulnerable about how I am feeling is being real.
I choose to say what I mean and mean what I say. I am choosing to be a straight shooter with my words instead of holding on to my feelings until they erupt. Handling my feelings in a healthy way creates space for others to feel, too. When I say what I mean, I let go of any resentment I may have. Sure, I may risk relationship. That is a chance I am willing to take to stay healthy.
Saying What I Mean